Am I Still on the Path?

Am I still on the path?

Last Sunday morning I asked myself that question.  

Saturday, the previous day, I made mostly good choices yet ended the day with a snack I wasn't actually hungry for.  I just wanted the taste.  Just hours before that I resisted ice cream  Then I chose to indulge in about twice as much cheese and raspberry danish as I ought to have.  Should have just had the ice cream.  

But it's ok.  

Yes, I am still on the path.  This is a lifelong thing.  I am not going to throw caution to the wind and fill my face with countless desserts and fatty fried foods every day. 

And I do need to be honest.

I sort of went off the rails.  I felt like I was self-sabotaging again, and not for any good reasons.  We had a church picnic Sunday and I ate a lot.  Then I ate the leftover brownies on Monday.  Tuesday I had an after dinner snack and I wasn't hungry.  I just wanted it.  Granted, it was popcorn, which isn't the end of the world or anything, but the point is I really didn't need it.  The point is also that I know when I eat after dinner I gain weight.  It's probably just a matter of too many calories in, but avoiding after dinner eating on most days helps me to not gain weight.

Part of me thinks I need to do something crazy drastic just to get my rear in gear.  But with the Labor Day weekend looming it seems like I'm just going to give in again.

But that is a TERRIBLE attitude.  Terrible and defeatist.  Give up mid week because the weekend will bring challenges?  Garbage.  

I felt a big urge to do THM early in the week.  Maybe it was because it's a super overhaul type of diet.  Maybe it's because I spent a few hours listening to their podcasts.  It's probably a combination.  

I thought later in the week that if I listened to some Weight Watchers related podcasts and YouTube channels I could push myself more in that direction.  I did feel the mental shift.  Weight watchers is a plan that my family is more on board with when I do it.  No weird foods or wasted foods.  It is a good plan.

My mind is so moldable!  

When I jump on the THM bandwagon I tend to go gung ho and make a large variety of foods.  Inevitably when I fall off the wagon the foods rot in my fridge.  There are a few exceptions but too few.

When I eat the Weight Watcher way no food is wasted.  I don't buy weird diet food, I just buy the normal healthy or lower calorie stuff that tastes good whether I'm trying to lose weight or not.

In my fantasy world I'd like to be able to lose weight without counting or trying or really doing anything.  The only way that is even close to realistic is if I get a job that keeps me so busy or active that I'm burning lots of calories and have less time to snack mindlessly.  How can I work that in?  New job?  That is on my mind for sure.  And it's not just because of the weight, it's just a change I desire in general.

Part of me wants to not even tell anyone I'm dieting.  I think, honestly, that's the best plan.  I don't need anyone, even my husband, to know I'm doing any particular plan.  He and I both know we need to eat better for health.  What if we just do it and don't talk about it?

I don't want to tell my friends or my kids.  I want to do it just for me.  Then if I fail I won't feel like such a loser and I'll be able to jump right back at it without weird feelings or discussions.  Sometimes the fact that someone else knows I failed keeps me from wanting to try again.  It's almost a way to avoid future embarrassment.  If I don't try then I can't fail.  

Again, terrible attitude!

It's not that people judge me.  We all have our journeys.  Many in my friend and family group struggle with weight as well.  Some struggle more, some struggle less.  Being in a world where we are constantly bombarded by food it is difficult to avoid some sort of weird relationship with weight and food.  

I mean the goal is to overcome it, but I acknowledge my environment - multiple fast food places within minutes, three pizza places within five minutes, candy at the craft store, snacks at the hardware store, chocolate at the register, cheap junk food at the discount grocery store, ice cream everywhere, signs, coupons, ads, constant bombardment of the senses.  It can be a lot.

And, yet I know I CAN overcome it.  I can.